


It's Called Peacocking and I Will Have None of It

by everythingturnsgold



Category: Spring Awakening - Sheik/Sater
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-10-22 22:41:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10706652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everythingturnsgold/pseuds/everythingturnsgold
Summary: Ernst would never admit it but the only reason he had gotten Instagram in the first place is because of the amount of times he caught Hanchen taking shirtless selfies- you can’t just stare at someone’s abs in real life, but it’s perfectly safe to do so through a screen.In which Ernst loves guys with nice abs and loses control of his mouth while trying to prove how not-gay he is.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ab rant taken from [here,](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AXSqTjnhDoc) it's 420 words lmao

Ernst loved Instagram. He wasn’t following a lot of people, outside of his friend group he followed 7 or 8 artists and a few photographers. He spent plenty of times in the tags so it didn’t matter, and besides he needed his feed to be as uncluttered as possible for a _very_ important reason.

See, here’s the thing about his friend group- it included Hanschen Rilow and Melchior Gabor. They were both intelligent, insufferable (though in entirely different ways), and easy on the eyes. Of course, he had to follow Hanschen, the two of them were quite close and that’s what friends do. They follow each other. Melchior, of course, was close enough to Ernst that it made perfect sense to follow him as well.

Ernst would never admit it but the only reason he had gotten Instagram in the first place is because of the amount of times he caught Hanchen taking shirtless selfies- you can’t just stare at someone’s abs in real life, but it’s perfectly safe to do so through a screen. And, as he found out, Hanschen wasn’t the only one. He was looking through the accounts Hanschen followed, checking anyone with a familiar username or icon and found Melchior did the same thing. As did Bobby Maler.

Ernst didn’t have any reason to explain why he followed Bobby, the two of them had spoken maybe twice in the past year, but he had to. Bobby, Hanschen, and Melchior were all well-built and had no problems with showing off.  

And god, he was glad that they did.

Ernst was scrolling lazily through his feed as he ate his lunch. Wendla was leaning against his shoulder as she chatted with Ilse. He put his phone down so he could rummage through his bag for his water bottle, not bothering to lock the screen.

“Why does Hanschen post so many pictures of his abs?” Ernst turned to Wendla as she spoke, she was looking down at his phone where one of Hanschen's many pics of him lifting his shirt up _just so_ was displayed.

Ilse laughed, “He’s an asshole, it’s probably the only way he can get anyone to go out with him. Hey, Ernst do you know why he likes to post so many shirtless pics? You’re his best friend aren’t you?”

“I think he just likes the attention- look at the comments on this one,” he pulled them up and held his phone out to show her.

Wendla rolled her eyes, “I don’t think it matters why he does it, he posts way too many of these.”

Ernst disagreed, Hanshen could post a new one every hour and he would be more than happy to see them.

God, he sounds gay. Ilse is practically a mind reader, what if she suspects he likes Hanschen- she wouldn’t be wrong but- oh god-

“If I want to get a girl, I don't need to show my abs- mainly 'cause they don't exist. And I don't want to have to do this but I'm gonna. Why do people show their abs on the internet?” Why was he speaking? “Why is it that when I go on the internet I have to weed through so many photos of guys just- lifting their shirts up to expose this part of their stomach, which is rock hard by the way,” he cringed internally a little bit, that sounded gay, oh hell, “I don't know. I don't get it,” he paused for a moment.

“Why? What good does it do? Are they doing this and taking the photo thinking  that _‘maybe if I do this just enough, somewhere in Africa a young child will get to the watering hole knowing that I was thinking about them.’”_

The girls were laughing. Why can’t he stop?

" _'I need people to know that I've got a flat stomach because I don't want them thinking I've got some sort of weird torso hole because they're going to start putting things in it’_ "

What is he _saying,_ what on Earth is that even supposed to mean?

" _'If the internet knows that I have a flat stomach, we will win the war on terror.’_ "

He heard a third laugh, this time from behind him. “What, is that supposed to be me?” Hanschen. _Perfect_ , just what he needed.

He could feel his cheeks start heating up a little bit.

Ernst didn’t think before continuing, he couldn’t afford to, “Look, it's called peacocking and I will have none of it, you animalistic fuck.  Maybe you should try working on something that matters instead of your lower torso-- where those lines go that point to your dick like a weird, subliminal message. If you want people to know about this whole area of your body, just put it on your business card. You could say like-  ‘Dick Johnson, ab enthusiast.’"

Ernst could see the concern creeping into Hanschen’s expression, tainting his amusement. “Are you alr-”

“That way they know they don't want to hang out with you.” Ernst hated himself for being responsible for the hurt look that flashed across Hanschen’s face.

 For reasons unknown, he continued talking.

 “You can usually tell that people have abs just by looking at them, nobody is ever surprised to find out that somebody has abs. Woah Dickhead Jones! I didn't-” he faltered for a second when he saw the way Hanschen's jaw clenched, “would have never guessed! Never in a million years would've known that you have a flat stomach.” He didn't love the look in Hanschen's eyes. “You only tweet about going to the gym _all the time_ and you wear a t-shirt that's kinda like saran wrap"

Hanschen laughed again, this time it almost sounded forced, “you love it.”  
  
He did. “Look,  ladies you don't want a guy that has a flat stomach because the whole time he's with you he's gonna be thinking _‘Jeez, this might be good for my abs.’_ ” Jeez, he really needed to stop talking. " _'Oh, I wonder what my abs think of this.’_ " Oh, why is he still going on about this?

“And guys like me, we're only thinking, y'know, _‘I really hope this doesn't make me fart.’_ ” Ernst wanted to curl up and die, “and that's for you really, that's all for you 'cause I don't care where I fart.”  He really needs to stop. “If my pants are off, it doesn't matter where I'm farting 'cause the whole front row is getting wet.”

_Oh, God._

The girls were laughing but he paid no attention to them.

Hanschen wasn't laughing. His face was suspiciously neutral.


	2. Chapter 2

_“We’ll huddle over the Homer, maybe do a little Achilles and Patroclus.”  
_

Ernst hadn't missed the innuendo when Hanschen approached him after school and asked him if he wanted to study, he just hadn’t thought anything of it. It wasn’t unusual for him to say things like that- he’d been “flirting” and using pick up lines on Ernst for as long as he could remember. Sometimes he was cheesy, sometimes he was clever, sometimes he was dirty, and sometimes he was just downright terrible. Ernst had figured it was just practice- just Hanschen’s way of keeping his mind sharp for when he was actually flirting with someone.

He felt awful about the things he had said at lunch earlier that day and nearly declined Hanschen’s invitation to study, but he took the pick up line as a sign Hanschen wasn’t (as) upset anymore (not that he would ever admit to being hurt in the first place) and Ernst really needed help with calculus, he was dangerously close to falling behind again.

The walk to Hanschen’s house started fine, but it wasn’t long until they fell into a tense silence.

Hanschen was the one who broke it.

“You're very passionate about abs, aren't you Ernst?”

Somehow this threw Ernst off more than any of the things Hanschen had said in the past week- including the time he punctuated a _breathy_ “I like to keep my hands busy” by _squeezing Ernst's inner thigh_.

“No.” What was the point in lying, if he couldn't talk to him about this then who? “Yes? Maybe not _passionate_ but-” He shook his head before continuing, “I'm really sorry about what I said earlier. It's just-” He stopped walking. “I just really like all those pictures you post.”

Hanschen stopped as well and turned to face him. “Oh?”

“I didn't want the girls to know, I'm sorry, I got nervous and just started talking and I couldn't stop. I'm gay, Hanschen.”

“You're gay? You like men?” Hanschen looked incredulous. “You mean to tell me you're attracted to men and none of the flirting, none of it, had any kind of effect on you?” This time Hanschen was the one shaking his head, “Christ, I thought you were straight. Am I _really_ that bad at hitting on you?”

“You- what?”

“Surely you must have noticed, I've been far from subtle about this for how many years?”

“I didn't? I mean, I did, I didn't think you meant any of it.”

“You can't be serious.” Hanschen sighed, “what on Earth would make you think that? You know I'm not straight.”

“Yes, but-”

“What's the problem then?”

“Why would you want to flirt with me?”

“Why would I- because _I like you_ , you moron!”

“You _what_?” It was Ernst's turn to look incredulous. “But you're-” he gestured vaguely at Hanschen “-you.”

“What exactly is that supposed to mean?”

“I don't know?” He paused for a moment as his mind caught up with the conversation, “hold on did you just say that you _like_ me?”

Hanschen laughed, “how much clearer do I need to make myself? It's not a problem, is it?”

“A problem?” Ernst's hands were suddenly very interesting. “No, definitely not a problem.”

“So then wha- mmph!”

Ernst had, in a brilliant moment of _definitely not thinking_ , all but lunged at Hanschen and kissed him.

He pulled away from Hanschen after he realized exactly what he had just done and looked at his (surprisingly flushed) face. He had a feeling his own face was pink as well.

Oh god, he really shouldn't have done that.

Hanschen brought his right hand up to gently cup the back of Ernst's neck and pull him into another kiss, this one brief and gentle.

Or maybe he really should've done it sooner.

“Let's go Ernst, this is hardly the place for Achilles and Patroclus.”

 

His calculus grade was about to drop, wasn't it?

**Author's Note:**

> This started as a joke and kind of? Spiralled a bit? I'm havin fun tho. Shoutout to tumblr user [@melgayiorgabor](https://melgayiorgabor.tumblr.com/) for beta reading and [@alloftheus-es](https://alloftheus-es.tumblr.com/) for helping me Keep Things Moving, I lov u guys. 
> 
> My tumblr can be found [here](https://ilovemoritzstiefel.tumblr.com/)


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